Toddler Personalities

I have been neglectful again to my blog. However a lot has happened in my life that I should have been blogging about. I apologize if I begin to vent throughout the post, but here it is... I have been having conversations with other mothers/friends and have recently been venting my frustration at times with other parents. A toddler is a toddler, plain and simple. Which means they have sporadic toddler behaviors that you do correct as a parent. However, what do you do when you see what another parent does not? When another child taunts and acts unkind to your child, and then your child reacts. Obviously the parent must teach their child not to react, but lets get real. Toddlers are not going to "get it" right away, but they will with practice and age. It is frustrating to have a parent tell criticize your child, when you know most of the facts are not true. However for the sake of saving face and not causing anything more, you just agreed or nod. Meanwhile your thinking profanity in your head and biting your nails. Now maybe I should mention that when I grew up, every neighbor have free reign to yell at you for discipline issues. There was no hidden rule, like now, that you couldn't correct another persons child. We also ran around in freedom until dark, which obviously has changed now. I have no problem with a friend or neighbor telling my daughter to stay in check when she is getting into mischief.

Nit picking mom's drive me crazy, and I just want to turn to them and say, "SERIOUSLY?! Chill out".

Mommy I Don't Care!

As our beautiful little toddler grows older, the more crazy phrases pop out of her mouth. I realized last week that I must say, " I don't care" to my daughter often, since now everything is, "MOMMY I don't care!". I think a gray hair popped out of my head at that moment along with the realization I truly have to watch every word out of my mouth now! It is amazing to see how your child perceives you as they grow. My toddler now loves to try and wear my shoes, my scarf, and adores putting make up on. Her new thing is dresses, and her love to "look pretty". It is extremely adorable, yet can cause moments of stress. An example would be when we are walking out the door and throwing a fit because we want a dress on. I think the motto I carry with me each day is, "Don't let your daughter wind you up, breathe". LOL, I am sure many other parents feel the same way. It is amazing, adorable and beautiful to watch them grow and learn, but it comes with strong opinions which can make you nuts. The other tendency we have picked up is saying something hurts on our body. When it first began, we were thankful to finally know when she didn't feel well or hurt herself. Now it is simply a call for attention, which is more frustrating because we don't believe her complaints anymore. It seems that at this stage of 2 1/2 to t three years old is hit or miss. Shopping trips are either great or horrible.
As a single person, I remember hating kids that took folded clothes and throw them on the floor, or the mom that left the dressing room a disaster. I now admit, I sometimes am "that mom". I also realized my funny expressions such as, "I am going to kill you!" does not sound good in public in front of those who do not understand. I also am now the mom that gives her toddler sugar packets for table entertainment, and could care less about it. The worst situation so far at this age is when she tantrums in the middle of a store and I cannot scold her or punish her because of the time and location. That is definitely an experience every mom hates and dreads, and all you can do is your best.
I have found some solutions to crazy outing situations:
-At the grocery store I let her hold a basket and "Shop with mommy" (please note this is only when mommy has time to take forever in the store)
-When shopping for clothes, letting her wear pieces and feel pretty for entertainment
-In restaurants I let her look at the kids menu and grown up menu and order for herself, which she does ever so well and feels like " a big girl".
-Lastly the most important element for surviving your toddler- the art of distraction and changing the task at hand. Scene: Screaming toddler wanting something or frustrated....present a snack, drink or start naming colors and exploring the area. When all else fails, and I am in the car ride home pulling my hair, a simple turn the music up always does wonders (note only in my extreme circumstance when I am about to loose it).
My disclaimer: I am really not a bad mom who beats or screams at their child all time (only some of the time, just kidding!). I also am a human being on a mission for peaceful survival of the toddler years with as much enjoyment as possible.

"Pregnant in America" Documentry

Tonight I decided to watch my first documentary "Pregnant in America". The documentary started off by outlining a set of women who decided to have natural childbirth in their homes. It begins with a soft pitch about how they want it to be special and personal, and therefore they wanted to birth their baby in their home. It slowly slid into the negative aspects of hospitals and giving birth in an hospital. They interviewed people along the street to ask their opinions, and they were 75% towards giving birth in a hospital. The film quickly jumped into how women in America have been brain washed into thinking that hospital birth and drugs are the only way to have a baby. A slew of psychiatrists, doctors and sociologists were interviewed and agreed that having a baby in a hospital was a horrible decision. The opinions were that women were pressured into taking drugs and getting an epidural to numb the pain. The thought was that doctors scared women into getting an epidural and essentially planning the time the baby was born. Of course the film had to highlight the mistakes hospitals make and how the outcomes can be harmful for the mother and or the baby. The first part of the film makes you almost angry or irritated (if you had a baby in the hospital with drugs and felt good about it).

Women were discussing how in order to live up to being a true confident woman, you had to empower yourself to birth your baby naturally. The act of a natural birth with all the feelings and emotions made you a strong woman. All of the sudden (I sat back and looked down at my phone for a minute) and heard them say labor orgasms. I looked up to see women discussing how you can have an orgasm during birth and that it is very common. They interviewed teenage girls on the street, mothers, and single women. It somewhat disgusted me for a minute because we went from the beauty of birth and being strong woman to orgasms? (of course I wouldn't know since I had my baby in a hospital and had an epidural, so I am not a very strong woman and incapable of attesting to whether I had an orgasm).

87% of the women in Holland have at home natural births. Apparently it is the number one country in the world that supports women having children at home naturally. I find it ironic how we use the word naturally as if having a child with pain medication or in a hospital is considered unnatural? What is more natural than pushing a baby out of your body, hospital or not, drugs or not, still natural. C sections have risen from 7% in 1970 to 35%, which is attributed to apparently having your baby in a hospital and under the supervision of a doctor. I tend to disagree with this theory because I know many women who had to have a C section for many medical reasons, and then had to again with future children.

A strong undertone remains throughout the film on the greatness of midwives. They discuss how midwives preserve the sanctity of childbirth and all its beauty and wonder. They take out the fear of the birthing process and enable a woman to listen to her body and have a "natural" experience.

The subject of induction comes in and a doctor comments that it is the most unsafe, pharmaceutical pushed drug. It simply is used for convenience for the doctors and staffing of the hospital. They also comment that induction also causes more C-sections and problems with the infant when it is born. A women begins to go into the affects of pitosin and that no one knows the long term affects it has on women. The drug is discussed as being the worst choice a woman and doctor can make because it is putting their child at risk. This automatically takes us back to C-sections and how doctors are using them more and more for convenience. I personally have heard a lot on this topic, and I disagree with women "scheduling their births" because I do understand how it can be used for that reason. However, sometimes it is necessary to save a mother and or baby. The commentators say that a C-section robs a mother of the birth process, and connection with their baby. It is "ethically in-appropriate" and then the scroll runs down the screen with a list of all the problems that can occur from a c-section. It is in red and black and looks almost like a scare tactic to the viewer.

Something interesting....the state of Washington is almost 100% against V-backs and most insurance companies will not cover any of it. (V-back is a natural vaginal birth after having a c-section with your first baby). $20,000-$50,000 out of pocket for the couple if they decide to have a vaginal birth, and in Canada its $2,000. They opt to go to Canada to birth their child because of their disgust with the healthcare system.

The director then decides to attend and ACOG (American College of Obstetricians and Gynecology) conference for more answers. A doctor interviewed said that a doctor in the field tends to prefer c-sections because of time, and will sometimes cut corners and fail to check a woman for progress in order to have a c-section. The question arises, are women's lives and the birth of their children in the hands of the board of doctors and insurance companies? The act of a birthing a breach baby instead of a c-section is out of practice since a women is automatically sent to have a c-section if her baby is breached. A sudden undertone takes over the film by saying women are subjected to the choices given to them by their insurance company. What doctor they can see, where they can give birth, what is covered and how many days are covered.

At the risk of loosing people reading this, I am going to sum up my personal experience from watching this documentary. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, and every woman can choose how to birth her child. I do believe in doctors and the medical system, and I do know that people are human and mistakes will be made. When they are made, they can be exploited and used as a scare tactic. I do believe insurance companies are ridiculous about certain costs and practices, but then again I am thankful to have insurance. I think C-sections are necessary in some cases, but I do believe many women try to "schedule" their birth, which is ridiculous. As much as the act of birthing a child is natural and beautiful, I think it is painful. A woman should be able to choose to utilize our technology and ask for drugs for pain. It would be a personal decision for each woman, but a woman should not be looked down upon for receiving it. Your a mom and you birthed a child regardless of pain meds, the place you were, or if you had to have a c-section.

I would never watch this documentary again, but I learned a lot from it and was able to see the various opinions on having a baby.

I Don't Know How She Does It

My choice of movies are very limited these days when it comes to an "Adult" movie. Don't get me wrong, I watch plenty of movies, but they usually contain cartoons, singing and dancing. When it comes time for me to sit down and watch a movie, it better be a good one (or something entertaining enough to take up two hours of my time). I watch TV, but only if it can be DVR because I miss all the shows I want to see, and hopefully once a week I can spend a couple hours catching up. I recently saw the movie, "I don't know how she does it" which is a book written by Allison Pearson, I Don't Know How She Does It: The Life of Kate Reddy, Working Mother. The movie stars Sarah Jessica Parker, which in my opinion does a great job of pulling off the role. The reason I liked this movie is plain and simple...it is about the life of a working mom, which I can relate to. It is the simple comments, crazy moments and funny truths that make you laugh and honestly feel better. I tend to believe every working mother feels a little guilty about leaving behind their child. I am one of the fortunate ones that has both parents as my daycare.
In the movie (and book), Kate is a working career mom who is determined to work and be the best mother. Her alone time is when the kids are asleep, and the work is done (both office work and cleaning up the house). Here are some of my favorite quotes, that are so true!
“Children are the proof we've been here . . . they're where we go to when we die. They're the best thing and the most impossible thing, but there's nothing else . . . Life is a riddle and they are the answer. If there's any answer, it has to be them.”

Clark Cooper: "Say are you running a little late this morning?"
Kate (addresses audience): "I have two choices here: The man's excuse - bad traffic, downed power lines, faulty carburetor...or..." (speaks to Clark) "Mammogram."
Clark Cooper: "Oh."

The movie also addresses the stress her life has on her marriage, but how they work together through the craziness to make it work. It is an understanding you have in a marriage when both parents work. We have to help each other all the time. I personally adore my husband for getting our daughter dressed and ready so when I am running late (as always) I can grab her and run out the door. It also is nice when one of you have had a bad day and you look at each other and say, please do the routine tonight. I have had some friends express how silly and stupid the movie was, but I enjoyed it for simply saying....yes we get it.

Toddler Times...

It has been awhile since I blogged (I wish I had more followers who actually cared ;). I feel I should change the name of my blog to "The Working Mother and the Toddler Years", it seems more appropriate. I have to say the learning curve of a toddler is absolutely amazing in so many ways and also a whole new act of nature forcing you to truly define your parenting skills. I have decided that the essentials to surviving the toddler years are: a dust buster (it can handle anything), Magic Erasers (you know that had to have been created by a mother), lollipops (for emergencies), and mastering the act of misdirection (to help downplay those stressful times.

I watched the movie, " I don't know how she does it", and I felt a sense of relief and joy of someone truly understand the world of a working mom. It definitely wasn't a five star movie, but very enjoyable if you live the life of a chaotic of being a working mother. The book is also proving to be a barrel of laughs to the end of a stressful day. I heard a commercial today that said, " Your baby is only a baby for a year, so you may as well enjoy it". This statement is very true, it seems like you turn around and your "baby" has grown up like a flash. However, with all the good and joy of being a mother comes the trials and tribulations. I like to summarize this up with one word...tantrums. It can be the end of your sanity or a challenge you rise and meet and do your best to be successful. It is alarming to see your little one become the incredible hulk with strength during a tantrum, but it also makes you realize if you don't nick in the butt, your screwed.

Toddlers can smell fear and uncertainty. My recent experiences prove that. If your not consistent and pick a way to handle them without loosing it or showing fear, it is possible you may succeed ( I am still trying to succeed). One minute and angel, the next a monster. Of course the laughs, smiles, funny phrases, learning words and sentences always make it worth the effort. On a bad day your tempted to lock yourself in the bathroom with a glass of wine.

On a more positive note (and not to sound too cynical), I feel like my home videos could be sent to the funniest home videos. "Mommy lets dance to Moves like Jagger!", or " Can we have a cupcake, candy and fruit snacks, pleeeeaaassseee?" It is amazing how fast they learn and grow everyday, and it makes you miss your little baby ( I am sure a lot of moms then go have another one due to these feelings). I will be refraining from that for while. Conclusion; We love them, we are parents, we have to do it and make it out alive ;)

Closing Time of a Landmark

Those of you who are familiar with Buckley's Tavern know that they will be closing their doors this weekend on January 15, 2012. This will be a devastating day not only for the employees there, but every employee who worked there and every customer who always showed their devotion for Buckley's. For those who are not familiar with Buckley's Tavern, let me tell you in my own way. Buckley's Tavern is an amazing restaurant full of timeless memories, good food, traditional decor, and amazing people. It has been open since the 1930's and also was my place of work off and on since 2005. I remember when I was younger and would visit my family in Chester County and we always had to visit Buckley's Tavern for a meal. Whenever my family would visit to this day, it was almost a requirement that they had a meal at Buckley's during their stay.

I was introduced to Buckley's as an employee in 2005 and worked there for two years and then was brought back during my time of unemployment after being laid off my career. Buckley's was always a home away from home. Dave Weir is a name well known in our family back dating to the seventies through friendships and past employment with family members. Dave has always been there for me as a boss, and a friend. He always accommodated me during my times of unemployment and I will be forever thankful. The re pore at Buckley's was always as if we were our own family. I met some of my best friends while working at Buckley's, and I will always relish in our memories working together. After my husband proposed to me, we had to celebrate at Buckley's because it made it perfect. There is no restaurant that could replace Buckley's or even move into its spot. I will always hold a dear place in my heart for my home away from home.
As everything must move forward, so will Dave Weir and any new restaurant he opens in the future. Life is a circle and all things must come to an end, but will never be forgotten.

Christmas Fun and Chaos

Is it sad I am somewhat relieved and disappointed that Christmas is over? I love the tree's, the lights, the buying the perfect gift, the joy in children's eyes and the spirit around us. Christmas with a toddler though (the actual day) can be exhausting! It is so exciting while they open presents, and woo and ahh, and then it is like they are given speed. The hyper chaos begins! Of course your traveling around to your families' houses, which only intensifies the chaos. You find yourself with a look of surprise for most of the day out of amazement and fear of the meltdown. Don't get me wrong, I love Christmas and I am thankful for everyone and everything. I am just trying to write the "true" run through of the day of Christmas with a toddler. I guess you would say this is the first year our daughter, got it and understand what was going on and that presents were involved. However like all toddlers, when they get wound up, they tend not to eat anything (of course except for cookies and sugar), and when it is time to leave or put something away the meltdown occurs. I found myself more exhausted than ever on Christmas day. On the plus side, it was priceless watching my daughter's enjoyment. It was so beautiful and as my daughter likes to say, "magical". I didn't care if I got anything, I would much rather sit back and just feed of her excitement and joy. I hope everyone else had a great one too! However next year I will be more prepared for how to handle the holidays in a calmer manner (if that is even possible! lol)

The Holiday Season

I am sucker for Christmas. I have always loved the Christmas trees, lights, music, and feeling of happiness and excitement. This year is has been heightened by the presence of my little girl who is now 2 1/2 years old. When you see Christmas again through a child's eyes, you rediscover its beauty and importance. Everything seems magical (which ironically is what my daughter says every time she looks and points at our Christmas tree) and as if it was the first time you were experiencing the holidays.
Every time I pick my daughter up from my parents house during the week after work, she gets in the car and yells, "Christmas music mommy! Play Rudolph!". She and I then proceed to sing her favorite Christmas songs, and they are the most perfect moments. My husband is also a sucker for the holiday season and wanting to give our children all that we can give them. I swear we try and spend anything extra to get just one more toy for them to open. I think as children we are excited about Christmas for the obvious reasons, and as we grow it becomes a time to spend with family (especially during the college years). When we actually move out and begin to mature as adults, get married and have children, Christmas changes again for us. It always is changing, but in a good way. Its a first Christmas together as a couple, then married, then our baby's first Christmas, then our baby's second Christmas. It is an amazing time of the year where we get to grab memories and box them up to always remember.
I began the tradition with my family to get an ornament every year. The first two years were my husband and I, and the past three years have been the years my daughter has been in our lives. We also have homemade ornaments from my stepson Shawn. I love marking our special time of the year so we can always look back. Christmas will always hold magic and will always be a memory.

Family Is the Glue That Keeps Us Together

As we sat around the dinner table on Thanksgiving with my parents, husband, and daughter, my parents look at me and said, "Better year this year!". Last year I had just gotten laid off from my previous job and was very down in the dumps. It really hit me on how grateful I truly am for my family. I wanted to take the time to tell everyone why.

My mother is my rock even when she and I are creating the storms ;) She has always had my back and has loved me unconditionally. I know many would say that is what mothers do, but my mother truly is an amazing woman. She knows how to be there when I cry, and kick me in the butt when I need it to. She always understands how I feel and never has abandoned me in my time of need. She is also an amazing grandmother to my daughter.

My father is truly my hero. I am daddy's little girl and proud of it! His life alone is an inspiration to me, but he also will never stop holding my hand. He is always there for me to help me in any way he can. He will always go above and beyond without being asked. He and I will always have a special relationship, and he will be the main man in my life (sorry hubby :( I love you too)

Now, my husband Jonathan. The beauty of my husband he and I are somewhat opposites, which makes our relationship amazing. He has an incredible amount of patience, hope, and drive to keep going. He also is understanding and an amazing father. I fall in love with him all over again when I see my daughter run to her daddy with complete and total joy. Our relationship is always changing and growing, and I would not have it any other way.

My daughter Irelyn saved my life. She amazes me each and every day with her knowledge, kindness, and ability to see people at such a young age. I do think she is the reason for my extra gray hairs, but she is worth it. She is so smart and sweet and polite. She always has been, and she remains a huge reason I wake up each morning (mostly cause she is waking me up, lol). I cannot wait to watch her grow, although I will shed tears along the way.

There are so many others that mean the world to me, I cannot list everyone but here are a few.
My brother and his family, My mother and father in law, Samantha, Missy, Carie, Christina, Nick, Wendy, and so many more!

The Amazing and Terrible Two Year Old

The other evening my husband and I looked at each other and said, " Did she just say that?" in response to my almost two and half year old saying, "Mommy where is my horsey? Is he is my room?" clear as day. Irelyn has been speaking in sentences for the past month or more, and it blows us away all the time. Our little baby girl is communicating with us?! Then we both looked at each other like, "Oh no....". I think that is my experience to date with a two year old....a whole bunch of oh wow! to Ahhh!. It is absolutely amazing and saddening to watch our baby grow up and be able to hold a conversation finally with us both. However, on the flip side she now has an opinion about everything....literally. We want what we want, and right away. The time out step has been getting a lot of mileage along with carpet under her chair at the kitchen table (since the rug underneath is covered always with dried food from "doing it ourselves").

As I always know, with the good comes the bad. If your a parent of a toddler, just wave goodbye to sanity because I believe it is gone for awhile.

Meals we once liked, we no longer want to eat.
Clothes that we once wore we want to take off.
Cribs that we slept in become a jungle gym.
No is your number 1 word 24-7.

I was shopping the other day with my daughter and she was in the stroller playing with a toy in the store, and I was causally (to the normal pers0n it would be rushing) going through the store looking. This is a concept I have approached at many stores and I would like to apologize in advance to every retail store my daughter and I visit. Whatever can keep her content and happy, she can hold and play with till we are about to leave, and then it hits the shelf again. However we all know that process never goes flawless, so I bring something to swap it out for (usually a snack). Then yesterday I found myself in a crazy shopping situation in Old Navy, where a huge 12-5pm sale was beginning, and I decided to embark on it since I was already at the store. The line wrapped along to the back of the store made me almost throw the sweaters and leave. I decided to stay with Irelyn and wait in line. An angel appeared in front of us, ( I think it was a woman with no kids) who offered to hold my place so I could walk her around and keep her entertained. To everyone who does that for mothers, god bless you. When I reappeared back in line she said to me, " Wow your daughter behaves so well! She really is a good listener" and I laughed. It was a nice moment as opposed to all the awful screaming and kicking shopping experience.

At the risk of sounding all negative, it is amazing to watch how fast they grow up. It is like every day there is something new and a new memory. I wouldn't trade these experiences for the world.

Trip Down South

I finally embarked on a trip down to see my bestie in North Carolina with my two year old daughter. One of my fears was the car ride down, which ended up to be easy breezy. My second fear was sleeping at night, which then became my worst nightmare. However, the in between was an amazing time for my daughter and I. She got spend time with dogs, horses, and the beauty of being around a horse farm. The enjoyment on her face was priceless, and I will always cherish those moments. My best friend Samantha also was able to spend some time with my daughter in her more "grown up" age. I meant so much to have my best friend, and childhood horseback riding buddy be able to hang out with my daughter and I with her horses. I feel she earns the title as Aunt Sam because she will always be dear to me and in my life, and therefore in my daughter's life.

Life is Sweet

They told you life is hard
It's misery from the start
It's dull and slow and painful

I tell you life is sweet
In spite of the misery
There's so much more
Be grateful

Who do you believe?
Who will you listen to
Who will it be?
It's high time that you decide
In your own mind

Tried to comfort you
Tried to tell you to be patient
They are blind
They can't see

Fortune gonna come some day
All gonna fade away

-Natalie Merchant "Life is Sweet"

I dedicate this blog to my hubby. I always hear this song and love the positive ring it resounds. I think life can be very difficult for everyone at times, and its hard to look up and around to see what you have and to be thankful for. I am guilty of acting and thinking negatively when things aren't going well or the unimaginable seem to happen. During this time in my life, I see so many friends and family going through tough times. It is either attributed to the economy, job market, or family difficulties. I have no solution to help "look on the brighter side of things" except until recently. My own solution may not be for others, but it is my daughter. My daughter is always happy, playing, smiling, saying she loves me, and she takes away my mind at time from the turmoil. I also believe it is the same for my parents when they are around her. The innocence the radiates from a child is contagious and I am so thankful for that. I have always said my daughter has changed my life, and I have changed as a person since having her. However, as much as we love our spouses and lean on them for comfort, love and support. Unfortunately it doesn't always make everything better, but it does help. It is just that when your raising a child, your attention is directed on caring and loving them, and it makes you go through periods of literally forgetting whatever was eating at your mind for periods of time.
Life is sweet, and it no one said it would be easy, but we have to make the best of it every moment we are given.
"Without a noise, without my pride, I reach out from the inside...."- Peter Gabriel "In Your Eyes"

The End of Smoking

I am happy to announce that on September 16, 2011, my husband and I quit smoking. The process of quitting was much more difficult than I anticipated. I never realized how dependent I was on cigarettes and how they ruled my entire day every day. It is definately a very hard habit to quit and my sympathy goes out to anyone who is trying to quit. I recently read this online: "Nicotine is as highly addictive as heroin and cocaine. Cigarettes contain at least 43 distinct cancer-causing chemicals. The benefits of quitting smoking begin to occur within 20 minutes of the last cigarette smoked"

I never grew up in a "smoking" household, however once I started, a cigarette became my best friend. It was always there for me when I felt stressed, upset, excited, bored or wanted to escape a situation or setting. The process of quitting is literally changing all the regular habits you had in your life. As happy as I am that my husband and I decided to quit together, I realize the daily struggle for us both. I also realize the importance of kicking the habit once and for all. Especially when most of our family and friends despised the habit and smells. However first and foremost, I don't want my daughter thinking it is an acceptable habit growing up.

I am very proud of my husband Jonathan, because he has smoked longer than I have smoked. He also was pushed to quit since I was determined for us to quit. He has been doing an amazing job since he is doing it cold turkey, while I am aided by the nicotine patch in my process.

I don't need anyone to congratulate me because I congratulate my husband and myself on giving up smoking 12 days ago.

The End of Smoking

Well after many months of consideration I decided to kick the habit and quit. I am on day 2 of not smoking, and it is definitely hard, but I know I will do it. I am looking forward to better days where the cravings die down. Everyone asks me what my motivation to quit is, so I decided to share. First off they cost a lot of money, and it is money we do not have. Second, I do not want my daughter to see mommy and daddy smoking and thinking it is okay as she grows. Third, I have dear family members who are struggling with cancer, and I don't know how I can say I support them and have them truly believe me since I was slowly killing myself by smoking. So I do this for me, my daughter, and my cousin Bobby. I know it is the best decision I have made in awhile, but I will not lie, it is very difficult. It is nice to have a toddler though who keeps me super busy to keep me moving. I also am proud to say my husband is joining me in the process. I am beyond thrilled that he decided to quit with me because I love him with all my heart, and I want us to be old and gray together enjoying our grandchildren. I want us also to rediscover things we enjoy besides smoking. So the good fight is in progress, and hopefully with friends and family to keep me busy these first few weeks, it won't be too painful. Thank you everyone who supports me and is willing to be there for me. Your kindness is overwhelming and touching.

Positive influence in your niece or nephew's life

I found a truly wonderful article on a website today and wanted to share it. I grew up with four aunts and uncles on both sides of my family. However I didn't get a close relationship with them all which I truly regret, especially since some of them are growing older in age or have gotten sick and already passed on. Please visit this article at http://foreverfamilies.byu.edu/Article.aspx?a=172

Getting Involved With Your Nieces and Nephews

We all have a family. Even if not all of us are married or have children, many of us have siblings who do have children. We can create relationships with our nieces and nephews to become close to them, and to help our brothers and sisters with family difficulties. The Family: A Proclamation to the World states that, "Extended families should lend support when needed." Through the unique relationship that exists between aunts and uncles and nieces and nephews, there are many things that you can do to be a positive influence in your niece or nephew's life.

Why are the aunt and uncle relationships so unique?

For the most part, people can't choose whether or not to have a relationship with their parents. They grow up in the same house, they see each other and talk together daily, and they have an ongoing, hopefully positive relationship. Aunts and uncles have more freedom than parents in choosing to develop a relationship with a niece or nephew, and both must be interested in forming that bond. Aunts and uncles desiring to be close to their nieces and nephews can choose ways to interact with them that will strengthen their relationship (Langer & Ribarich, 2007). This suggests that you can create the kind of relationship that you want to have with your niece or nephew; there is no one pattern that you must follow. Another factor that distinguishes this relationship from other family ties is that it is less structured; there are many different roles that aunts and uncles can have, and to a certain extent they can choose which roles to cultivate.

A variety of roles

Role model. One of the most important roles for aunts and uncles is to be a role model. A role model is someone that influences our behavior just by us observing how they act. Aunts and uncles can influence their nieces and nephews just by what they do, without saying a word. Aunts can also show their nieces an example of what they may want to be. They can give examples of the roles of a career woman, a wife, a mom, and a productive citizen of society. If an aunt leads a different lifestyle than the child's mom, it can give the niece an alternate example of what she wants to do with her life (Ellingson & Sotirin, 2006).

One way that uncles can be a good role model is to show good examples of a masculine role (Milardo, 2010). They can teach their nephews that it is important to be kind to women and to help others. This can be particularly helpful if these children do not have a positive male figure in their home. It will benefit them to have a trusted adult to guide them rather than looking to their friends and the media.

Friend. As aunts and uncles do not have the responsibility of parenting, they can also be more of a friend with their nieces and nephews. An important quality that many nieces and nephews name in their parents' siblings is their ability to have fun. This friendship allows the aunts and nieces (or uncles and nephews) to be involved in common activities they enjoy, such as sports or shopping (Ellingson & Sotirin, 2006). Aunts can help foster enthusiasm in their favorite activities by sharing these interests with their nieces, which will help them to bond over those common interests. One important distinction between acting more like a parent and acting more like a friend is often reciprocity. Friends are more likely to give back to their friends with emotional support, advice, or suggestions. Milardo found that if you have this kind of relationship with your niece or nephew, they may be supporting you as you support them (2010).

Supplemental parents. One role that aunts and uncles often have that is very important is to act as supplemental parents. Aunts and uncles can be complementary to their siblings by providing additional support, to fill the needs that the parents are unable to take care of themselves. This can include providing another supportive adult that kids can go to, to do their hair before a school dance, or by helping to drive them to all the places they need to go. Uncles and aunts can also reinforce the ideas that parents are trying to teach, such as the importance of education or being kind to your siblings. Aunts and moms can collaborate on good parenting ideas for the child, and discuss parenting methods (Milardo, 2010). Through the aunt's unique relationship with her niece, she may have additional ideas for parenting to add to the mom's ideas.

Buffers between parents and children. Aunts and uncles can also act as intergenerational buffers. This means that they can help mediate the relationship between parent and child. Instead of siding with one or the other, uncles and aunts can help each family member to try and see the other's side of the argument (Milardo, 2010). Of course, you do not want to be constantly in the middle of their fights, but you can help soothe tensions that may exist between them.

There are also many other roles that you can take on; being a good listener, giving advice, providing unconditional support, or telling your nieces and nephews of their family history (Ellingson & Sotirin, 2006; Milardo, 2010). It's easy to get overwhelmed and to think that there's no way you can do all of these roles. The nice thing about being an aunt or uncle is that none of these roles are required; you can determine what you want to do. If you don't want to get in the middle of parents and children fighting, don't. If you want to play tennis with your niece, do! You can choose what roles and activities you have time for and are willing to do. Only you can determine what will be good for your relationship.

How to achieve a positive relationship with your nieces and nephews

• Invest in the relationship. If you want to be close to your nieces and nephews, you need to take the first step and initiate contact. Children may feel too intimidated to talk to an adult, so you may need to make the first move if you want to become close to them (Milardo, 2010). Pashos and McBurney found that by proactively initiating a relationship with your niece or nephew, you are more likely to become close than if you wait for them to talk to you (2008). If you do choose to initiate a relationship, be committed to it. This will be a long relationship; you will always be their aunt or uncle (Milardo, 2010).

• Keep in touch. According to the research by Milardo, social distance is more important than physical distance in relationships (2010). This means that living close to relatives does not guarantee closeness, and living far apart doesn't have to equal distance. Telephone calls, e-mail, webcams, and social networking sites can all be helpful in keeping touch with kin (Georgas et. al, 2001; Milardo, 2010). Some nieces and nephews may create blogs, or websites where they detail what is going on in their life|some families may find these helpful in keeping up-to-date on their family member's activities.

• Provide emotional support. There are many ways to show emotional support. Many kids just need encouragement; you can encourage them to try out for the school play or the soccer team if they are nervous, or to try new things, or to be more positive (Ellingson & Sotirin, 2006). Milardo states in his research that you can also give advice through encouragement (2010). Knowing someone wants them to do well can motivate them. Continuity is an important part of this|being there when they need you is important (2010). It is more important that they know that they can depend on you if something happens, even if they don't actually need your support (Langer & Ribarich, 2007). Try to be understanding to what they are going through|you were a child once too (Milardo, 2010).

• Enjoy common interests. When you find something in common that you both like, enjoy it together. If you both like rollerblading, take them to a rink and skate together. If they like movies, take them to the theater, just the two of you. When you enjoy spending time together, you are more likely to want to spend time together in the future. Your nieces and nephews should think of time with you as being fun, so try to think of fun things to do with them when they are around (2010). However, be careful not to interfere in their relationships with their parents. You don't want to replace the relationships of your nieces and nephews with their parents; you want to have your own unique relationship with them.

• Strengthen family relationships. By keeping the extended family strong as a whole, you can become closer to your nieces and nephews. Family members become close if other family members are close. For instance, you will probably be closer to your nieces if you are closer to your sister, their mother. Your relationships with your siblings will have a big influence on your relationships with their children (2010). Parents can encourage their siblings and children to become close, if they want their sibling and child to have a good relationship. Aunts can support moms by reinforcing the teachings of the parents (2010). Don't encourage your nieces and nephews to disobey their parents; you want to teach them to respect their parents. If you don't respect your siblings, your nieces and nephews will learn not to respect them either. Aunts and uncles can also encourage extended family traditions to bring the whole family together (2010). Holidays, cultural events, or even a monthly movie night can give family members the opportunity to become close to one another.

Some of you may not be very emotionally close to your nieces and nephews, particularly if they live far away. It is important to remember that even if you aren't very close to your nieces and nephews, you can still be important to them and be an influence on their life. Whether you connect with them a lot or a little, you want to make every moment with them strengthen your relationship.

Written by Kaitlin M. Miller, Research Assistant, and edited by Stephen F. Duncan, professor in the School of Family Life, Brigham Young University.

References

Ellingson, L. L., & Sotirin, P. J. (2006). Exploring young adults' perspectives on communication with aunts. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 23, 483-501.

Georgas, J., Mylonas, K., Bafiti, T., Poortinga, Y. H., Christakopoulou, S., & Kabitcibasi, C. et al. (2001). Functional relationships in the nuclear and extended family: A 16 culture study. International Journal of Psychology, 36, 289-300.

Langer, N. & Ribarich, M. (2007). Aunts, uncles|nieces, nephews: Kinship relations over the lifespan. Educational Gerontology, 33, 75-83.

Milardo, R. M. (2010). The forgotten kin. Cambridge: Cambridge University Press.

Pashos, A., & McBurney, D. H. (2008). Kin relationships and the caregiving biases of grandparents, aunts and uncles. Human Nature, 19, 311-330

"A Stolen Life" By Jaycee Dugard

I should first start off by saying I rarely have enough time to dedicate to reading, although I love it. I decided last night to crack open my new library book nice and early, and I literally read the whole thing. The book is called, "A Stolen Life" by Jaycee Dugard, and it an experience. As I read through the horrors this girl went through for 18 years after being kidnapped, there were times I had to sit the book down for a minute. The reason I enjoyed her book is because she prefaces the book by saying that she is a survivor and will go on now to enjoy every minute of her life. Her amazing strength, courage and hope were the only things that kept her going through each day. I was blown away by the amount of courage it took her to write a book and share her story, and to also express that her story is to inspire strength. It is very detailed about her sexual abuse in the beginning, and her story is sad and hard to read. However I recommend this book to everyone because her courage and strength are untouchable and it hits you deeply. Check it out, and if you wan to know more about her story click here

Neighbor Love

I would be lying if I did not admit that I felt sad that my husband and I have not been able to afford to buy our own house. However, we have dealt with many obstacles and unemployment issues that would not allow us financially to fulfill our dream right now. The other day, while I was outside with my daughter, I realized how happy I was in our current community. We live in a townhouse, and we have the most amazing neighbors. My daughter plays with the neighborhood kids of all ages, and in the evening and on weekends everyone comes out to talk and watch the kids play. I have become very close with a couple of my neighbors and discovered some wonderful new friendships. As I stood outside watching my daughter play, I realized how happy we were in the community we live in now. We have the type of community where when you child runs around the corner, someone is always watching out. We all watch out for each others children, and the mischief that they try to get into to ;) Although I wish we had a pool or a park in the community, I wouldn't trade my community and neighbors for anything. There is never dull moment between the lives of everyone, and every family is unique in their own way. We have a diverse community of Hispanic and Indian families which make it more amazing because everyone learns about each others cultures. My daughter now speaks Spanish to our Hispanic neighbors courtesy of Dora the Explorer and Diego, and listening to our neighbors speaking to their children. We have people of all ages and with all kind of crazy obsessions (I am mainly very excited I found one of my good friends and neighbors is also a Twilight/Vampire lover). I have found friends I will never let go, and I cherish every day I get to see them and hang out with them.

Hurricane Fun?

I decided to surf the web tonight about Hurricane Irene and I found some funny things I wanted to share. Obviously everyone worries about their houses, flooding, safety and having electricity. When preparing for a hurricane consider the following items for fun and sanity....
1. Alcohol: It is something that can make you relax possibly and can keep your entertained usually.
2. Charge up your Ipod's, portable DVD players and computers.
3. Blow the dust off monopoly, twister and the playing cards.
4. Use the hurricane as an excuse to buy new smelly candles to light up your home.
5. If you have kids, Make a fort out of your couch or setup a tent (inside of course) and make it a game.
6. Stock up on snack foods
7. Get some batteries for flash lights (plus you can play flashlight games on the wall with your kids)
8. Pull out your crazy clothes. What a great time to play dress up and be silly if your stuck in the house (possibly without power)
9. Pull out your battery powered radio so you can dance :)
10. If you don't have kids and you can sleep, Take a nap!

These Are a Few of My Favorite Things

My favorite parts of my little girl being 2......

-Literally hugging trees
-Playing in the dirt
-Saying, " Vov u Mommy"
-Kisses and hugs all the time
-"Mommy D-I-E-G-O!"
-Singing wheels on the bus in the car
-Trying to jump in the air and falling down and laughing
-Wanting to hold my hand in the car on the way to my parents to be dropped off before work
-Listening to Black Eyed Peas and hearing her say, "Boom Boom Boom Mommy!"
-Pushing my husband and I down in the grass saying, "Mommy go sleepies!"
-Knowing that every time we go to target she gets a lollipop, or "P Pop"
-Running up to me when I pick her up from my parents screaming, " Hi Mommy! Hi Mommy!"
-Listening to her talk while she plays with her dollhouse
-Waking up and saying through the monitor, "Mommy I'm Up!"
-Trying to tickle me
-Always being so polite saying please and thank you to everything

Terrible two's have their ups and downs, but sometimes the smallest things our children do fix the whole day or make it amazing.

New Technology=More Drama

I will be the fist to admit that I really like facebook. I like it because I love seeing pictures of my old classmates and friends weddings, children, and moments in life. It is so nice to be able to reconnect with people I never thought I would talk to again. I realized through age I have more in common with those who I didn't years ago. I enjoy sharing pictures of my daughter, my family and my fun times. I like to be able to express my daily frustrations or happy moments. I think text messaging is convenient when you don't have the time to talk on the phone, or you have a quick message. On the flip side some people use texting instead of calling all the time which is annoying. I must admit that having a toddler makes talking hard, so texts can come in handy.
My overall purpose for this blog is to say that the world is full of drama. We have it in our families because we disagree with decisions, people annoy us, or gossip occurs and is said incorrectly. I know both of my families both by blood an by marriage have all of these issues. I also know that when I don't answer a text to a friend in time, or I say something taken wrong, and it ends up a fight or someone gets their feelings hurt for no reason. I think overall people need to lighten up. I have looked back on happy moments in my life that were almost ruined because people were consumed in their own feelings and drama. I am just getting tired of it all together.
The best moments of my day are when my daughter smiles, laughs, or says something so cute or funny. I forget the world and smile. My recommendation for everyone is that they find something in their life that makes them smile, and think about that before you go to town on someone else. I have many opinions about everyone, but usually my husband or close friends get to hear them, but I am not wasting my time or going to act so immature to tell those people. We need a little more kindness and people need to learn the art of biting your tongue.

We Now Have Opinions

I don't know why it feels so ironic when it actually happens because we encourage our children to have opinions and actually tell you what they want. It seems though when they do, we are star struck like, "What?!". Then begins another phase of parenting, the "No, you can't have that, or watch that, or do that right now" Of course they don't yet understand what that means. We came home from a family birthday with a few extra cupcakes, and not even thinking left them out on the counter. Not too long later we found my daughter trying to pry open the box and eat them. Now if my husband and I want a cookie or something she isn't allowed to have, we have to sneak it almost. Another big argument in our house is the inside/outside fight. My daughter is truly her mommy in the sense that she loves being outside and playing 24-7. It is very nice when its not a hundred degrees outside, or when your popping out the door to grab something on the porch, then its a huge fight. Especially at nighttime when its time for dinner or a bath. On the flip side, wow is it nice to be able to ask her what she wants and have communication. Before, it was the guessing game and trying to find what they want to make them happy (sometimes that is still the issue). However new words and vocabulary are in our daily routine which is just amazing to hear and be able to teach your child. The terrible two's is only terrible because its the first time your little baby or toddler has opinions and doesn't understand why they can't have their own way whenever they want. I would have to write way to much to explain how we parent this behavior, that is a separate blog entirely. I will have to touch again on this subject soon.

Walking for Autism Speaks!

When I met my husband Jon, the first thing he told me was that he had a son, who they thought was autistic. I would be lying if I said I wasn't a little nervous about how to be or handle an autistic child. The experience would be completely new to me, but I welcomed the addition to my life in addition to my husband. When I first met Shawn, I knew he was unique compared to other five year old's, and I instantly fell in love. He was so smart, funny and had the funniest quirks. I knew it must have been hard to have another mother figure in his life, and I knew with his autism it would probably be a little different. I decided to buy books and read up on autism, and studying everything. In the beginning, Shawn had problems eating or chewing normal food, and was still getting hormone shots. He also is almost legally blind with no depth perception, so that was also something new to learn. As the years went on I experienced overwhelming joy, the magic of having a child in your life, along with complete frustration. I would be lying if I said there were not some very tough days. It was overall and adjustment for everyone, including Shawn's mother. However, with the passing years I have grown fond of Shawn's mother and have enormous respect for her patience and ability to be an amazing mother. After time, and effort, my husband, his ex and I have a great relationship. We can join together as a family and we communicate with each other weekly as parents and friends. I believe this was all made possible through Shawn because of his untouchable love and energy. We all loved this little boy and we were able to move past everything and join together.
My husband and I always wanted to participate in autism research and awareness because so many don't know or understand autism. We have decided to start a team for the Autism Speaks walk on September 24, 2011 in Philadelphia, PA. Our team is named "Super Shawn" (because Shawn loves Super Mario Bros). I am excited to announce our team in growing and we are all excited for the event and because Shawn will be walking with us. I provided a link below for anyone interested in participating or learning more.

"If I could snap my fingers and be nonautistic, I would not - because then I wouldn't be me. Autism is part of who I am." --Temple Grandin

http://www.walknowforautismspeaks.org/philadelphia/shawnbortree

Mommy's Reading Corner

I don't always get a lot of time to read, but my sister in law recommended a book to me called, "Unplanned by: Abby Johnson". It is a book about a woman who worked for Planned Parenthood for eight years and in the end of her career was the Director of one of the clinics. She had an eye opening experiance and decided to leave Planned Parenthood and turn Pro-Life. It discusses her emotional, and spirtual journey throughout her career there and when she decided to leave. It is definately a great story because it was educational and gave insight to her entire experiance. Whether your pro-life or pro-choice, it is a very eye opening story. I literally could not put it down and it was also an easy read (which is always good for mom's). I highly recommend this book, and upon finishing it I had a new perspective on the fight between pro-life and pro-choice.

The website for the book is: http://www.unplannedthebook.com/

Oh the Two's

My daughter officially turned two, but I think we have officially hit the terrible two's before the big day. I always figured it was the natural behavior of toddlers, not just the two's. However now I am realizing why they call it the terrible two's; it is because it comes at you like a smack in the face. Boom! Mom I am officially independent and I have an opinion! Suddenly something fun like playing outside becomes a tantrum and meltdown when its time to come inside. There are many books I have found to be companion, such as "The Happiest Toddler on the Block". I think the most frustrating part is trying to maintain your own self. The more angry you get, the worse the tantrum becomes. Therefore you have to master the art of patience once again. It is an art no one really masters as a parent, but we are constantly trying as our kids grow up. Today I was at the library and because it was time to leave it became a tantrum. I think about five mom's approached me and told me that they had been there and understand. I actually got bumped to the head of the line, lol. You always get the ugly looks from those who don't have kids. It is almost like they are thinking, " Get your darn kid under control you horrible parent", and my reaction is to push your child closer to them :)

I get scared when parents tell me that it gets worse by age 3. However, I will have some practice by then. My favorite is when my friend's without children see what a toddler tantrum looks like and you see the look of fear on their faces. I try to always remind them that it doesn't last and it wasn't always this way (at least I hope it doesn't last long ;) The positives of this age (because I don't want to sound like am a bitter mother), is the amazing speed of learning. My daughter is a complete book worm. She adores looking through books and pointing out everything and having them read to her. She can actually sing the ABC's and talks so much. I am not one of those parents saying my daughter is the smartest little girl ever (although she is to me), but its amazing to watch her grow and learn and to be a part of it.

The Struggle

The PA unemployment rate, and the government decisions on what to do are not the complete “story”. The real stories are those suffering in our community. Throughout Chester County many families are drowning in debt and worry. Their lives are being torn apart and they have been forced to sell everything and turn to family to grovel for aid. The families are everyone from the individuals making six figures, to your middle or low income families. Unemployment is a way to help keep food on the table and possibly sustain some living expenses, but it certainly does not sustain a family. Those who are battling through these hard times, many don’t even qualify for government assistant or food stamps. I am one of the many who are also unemployed, and along with the rest of our community and world, I apply to over twenty jobs a day. They span from everywhere from my earned degree to any other job in which I have the qualifications. Everyone is applying for every job, which floods our local community employers in the decision making process. However, how is everyone supposed to bounce back from economic hardship without a job? In this age of amazing technology, social networking is still on the rise, and such helpful networking sites like Linked In help you network through friends and past co-workers. The only problems with these sites are that many of the people in our community to do not belong or ever utilize the site to help others. If you have job and have not been affected by the recession then why can’t you lend a helping hand to everyone else? One network connection can create a bridge between someone in need and their future employer. Our community is suffering and although there are many who try and help or aid others, they are not enough. The real story is sad and tragic, and it is your next door neighbor, your friends, and the members of our community.

A Day in the Life of a Toddler

Today, as every other day, I got up....got my caffeine, got Irelyn her milk and turned on Sprout. My only freedom from toddler television and the early morning is my facebook page. I read about every one's lives and what all my friends are up to....then I am disturbed by my daughter yelling, "Baby! Baby!" as I look at my many friend's new babies. The morning continues of stealing tiny moments for myself around my adorable yet crazy daughter basically running circles around me. If I have to go to the bathroom, she must come in with me. However, I put my foot down when I get in the shower since she likes to play peek a boo and get herself soaked. So I leave the door open and pray the downstairs isn't completely destroyed when I get out. I am very happy by the way that my hair is now VERY short, cause it makes getting ready easier and quicker. My five to seven minute shower is my only peace besides nap time and bedtime. I look for comfort by taking her outside to play, but that usually back fires. I end up chasing after her the whole time yelling, "Come back here!", "No", "Mommy said NO!". Then as the sweat and heat overcome me, I decide its time to go inside, and of course meltdown time. I find myself bribing my daughter on my more insane days by saying, " Want a lollipop?!". Then of course comes lunch time which consists of one of her three meals: Mac and Cheese, Chicken nuggets or fish sticks and fruit. However the process of eating is usually a beg a plea to finish even half of her plate. Thankfully its about nap time! Yes! I always think to myself, " I am going to watch a movie and relax and cross stitch". Then reality hits, and I realize this is the only time I can vacuum without her trying to play with it, and wash the floors without screaming at her to get off them.
Afternoons: They consist of finding ways to remain sane and remind myself I am not a toddler, which usually consists of grocery shopping, going to my parents house, running errands, and going to the park/pool. My favorite is when you just had a temper tantrum battle in the parking lot and you finally get into the store and someone looks over at my daughter and says, " She is so cute! and so good!" I internally roll my eyes and hold back from saying, " Would you like her for the day?" Just kidding! Dinnertime is usually the same as lunch, and then bath time, then about 10-20 stories, then FINALLY BED! Yippee! It is mommy free time! Until reality hits me once again, and I am exhausted. Bedtime for mommy: 10pm. Redo the next day.
Although I adore being a mom and love my daughter, I am human, and I do go insane some days. I thought about making a wine glass that says, " Mother of a Toddler, Back Away!" lol. I think all mom's have that moment where they want to go out and have some drinks and cut loose, but then our practical side sits on our should saying, "Don't do that, you will be tired and you are no longer 21, just stay home". The practical side always wins, which is fine. However I wish I had money to make my house more guest friendly since all our friends know if they want to hang out at night, they have to come to us. In order to end my diary entry of my day as a mom, I have one thing to share, a quote. “The quickest way for a parent to get a child’s attention is to sit down and look comfortable.”

Something to Make You Smile

Facebook Issues

I dedicate this blog to everyone who hates all the mom's who post millions of pictures and status updates about their children....

It is so interesting to me how so many people either love facebook or hate it. It obviously targets certain generations, and that draws the line for many people. If your are not familiar with facebook or have never used it and listen to the news reports of how evil and horrible it can be, of course you will immediately dislike it. I have had family members tell me that they knew of marriages and relationships that have broken up due to facebook, and my response is that people use social networking in all different ways. For example, I am on facebook to stay connected to my old friends, classmates, family, and current friends. I get the opportunity to see pictures of their weddings and children and can touch base with them every once in awhile. It is amazing how you can talk to your old friends about being a mother, wife, etc. The people who use facebook to ruin relationships and go after people with drama, I think are ridiculous. However that is my personal opinion. With that said I would like to continue with a response to the question some of my friends and family ask of me. "Do you ever post pictures that are not of your daughter or any status updates that don't involve being a mom?" My answer is no. If your career allows you to travel the world and everywhere you go you post pictures and status updates about your travels, does that make you annoying? Many people like to share their own political views on facebook on a regular basis, are you annoying too? Why is it so wrong for a stay at home mom to post pictures of her child and status updates about her day.

I can honestly say my entire life and day revolves around my daughter. She is currently 22 months old and is still in need of constant attention and focus. I am sure when she is 6 or 8 years old, my life as a mother will change in certain ways. However, my life is my daughter. Facebook has so many wonderful features where you can block people, their status updates and even picture updates. I urge everyone to become savvy with their account preferences because if your annoyed you can simply fix the problem. I think that everyone uses facebook for different reasons, and I don't feel I have to justify my reason, but I unfortunately live the life of a full time mom, and my daughter and motherhood is my status update.

Parenting Advice Needed or Not?

This blog is a scattered array of muliple issues I wanted to cover all together. I should use a disclaimer before I begin: This is not critizing or picking apart anyone's parental choices, opinions or in any way trying to stir up any upset. Thank You....

As my daughter now is almost 22 months (for those non parents who get made about the months in age, it means she is two months away from being 2 :), I have noticed that parenting has become more important and if certain issues aren't nipped in the butt asap, then I can see them becoming a problem. I am a mother who has read an array of parenting books and took bits and pieces of what I personally agreed with as pointers. I also know that every child and baby are completely different and you have to parent the way you think is correct for them in order to achieve positive results. My daughter use to have to be put down with my husband and I rocking or patting her to sleep. When I went back to work, I realized what a problem it was becoming because of the time consumption and her age. We decided to bite the bullet and spend a week of going through crying spells at bedtime until they went away. Now we can simply put her to bed and say goodnight. I think it is attainable for many toddlers, but I am not one to judge because everyone is different. As it has been brought to our attention by many, our daughter has a pacifier. I don't want to sound too pushy by quoting popular parenting books, but I agree with them that I don't see a problem until after two years of age. I will begin the process once she has turned two and that is my husband and my decision. Again, not a decision everyone may agree with, but we don't see the harm. These two topics seem to be most popular with other toddler parents so I wanted to address them first.

Next, we have the whole issue of when to medicate your child or whether never to medicate your child unless death is an outcome. I disagee with those indivduals who think medicine is the worst thing you could do to your children. I say this because if you have ever had the runs or a wicked headache, your thankful for Imodium or Advil, and why should our children suffer if the FDA and Pediatricans also approve? I have a stepson who is diagnosed with Autism and is on a medication, which helps improve his mood and actions especially while in school. Therefore he can learn and stay out of trouble less because of this which seems like a win win situation. He can calm down and his teachers get to concentrate more on teaching. My daughter recently went to the ER because she was dydrated from being sick, and was given Zofran (a drug by the way I lived on while pregnant or I would never have gotten out of bed) and she was able to drink and rehydrate herself. Again, I am not seeing the problem. Another quick disclaimer: I do not agree with medicating your child 24-7 for unessesary reasons.

I know your probably wondering what the point is of my blog so far? Well it is about our parenting and other's opinions about it. When should they be allowed to push their opinions on you? when should they not? My answer is this: If your physically causing harm to your child, their development, or well being, you may have a good reason to say or do something. If you amoungst a crowd or family members, probably best to just bite your tongue (I know I have done it so much I probably bit a hole in my tongue). Everyone is different, and it sometimes is hard to watch and hear, believe me I know, but it also is incredibly rude to state your claim to someone who didn't ask, or does not want to be lectured. All our children are different and no one knows child like you do.

"A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it." Jerry Seinfeld

My Memories

I think most of my life I have been teased about my incredible memory for small off the wall moments. I am obsessed with pictures and I adore looking through my old pictures to capture the feeling of the moment most of them were taken. As life has its ups and downs, I relish my memories to keep a smile on my face. The memories of my childhood, times with my family, my wedding and the birth of my baby girl. I have had some people question why I kept pictures of past loves and relationships, and I always answer, " They were happy times in my life and I want to always remember them". As I struggle through tough days full of stress, and enjoy the amazing moments many days bring, I continue to put away each memory. It is my memories that remind me of love, happiness, sadness, hope, and wonder. I know I must sound like a Hallmark card, but I am blessed to have so many wonderful memories. I have memories of growing up with my big brother, my best friend Sam and I riding horses and having a blast, my first kiss, my first crush, and all of the many more memories.

I have a box where I keep small little items that remind me of certain times of my past and I found it today under my bed. I decided today that I was going to make sure that I begin adding to it again. My grandmother suffers from dementia, and is now 92 years old and in a home. Her memories are now more limited, but she believes at times she is in her twenties. I love asking her to retell me all her stories over and over because I watch her face light up as she recalls them. I realized after visiting her recently, that I wanted to keepsake all the memories I could to share them with my daughter and use as a reminder to myself later in life. I truly believe our past can shape our future or teach us what to do and what not to do. Every day when I wake up I know its another day and potentially a day for another more wonderful memory to keep.