New Mom, New Friends, Be good to the old friends

My life over a year ago was all about my job, going out with my girlfriends dancing, sleeping in on Saturday's and planning our next excursion to look forward to. Yes, I was married but I was still having fun (much lower key than in my early twenties) but I could always find time for a night out with the girls, movies, shopping, and hanging out. Now, over a year later, my life consists of getting up with the baby, feeding the baby, playing with the baby, putting the baby down for her nap, getting showered/dressed, cleaning bottles, doing laundry, changing diapers, baby, baby and more baby. Yes I do get to go shopping, and hang out, but with my baby girl, which makes it a little more challenging. I can't go out past her bedtime because then I have a cranky baby, and if I do, I pay for it that night and tomorrow. If my husband isn't home, or I can't get my mother to watch the baby, I can't go to a movie or out for drinks. Also if I stay out too late, I am too exhausted then next morning when I am up at 5am. Life has changed, and don't get me wrong, it is amazing and wonderful change. However, my friendships have changed in the process.

I think a lot of women who have their first child experience this dilemma of finding mommy friend's and still maintaining relationships with your non mommy friends. It is like you lead a somewhat double life. Your mom friends are the only ones that will relate to your stresses, and your happiness when you baby hits a milestone. They will listen to you talk about formula, reflux, diapers, clothes, baby DVDs, etc. A lot of women, especially in their mid to late twenties find that they have no mommy friends, and seek out ways to meet some. Personally facebook became my best friend when I got pregnant, because I reconnected with so many old friends, who were also pregnant or also mothers. It was great! I have an outlet to vent and collect information and advice. Now it is an outlet to share experiences and still get advice and vent to other mother's when I have a bad day. I think though, that another obstacle you seem to come face to face with after you have your first child is, what about my old friends?

I have wonderful friend's who despite my new role, have remained my friends and our relationship did not change very much ( I love you Wendy!). There also have been some other friend's who I have fell out of touch with due to the fact that they think their life is so distant from mine. I hear the comment, " Well your married and have a baby!". I feel torn when I hear that comment, yes I do, and yes my life has changed, does that affect us? I think it takes both friends to make that effort; you have to take off your mom cap and put on your girlfriend cap every now and then, and your friend has to accept that some conversation will be about your baby. I think it takes an equal effort on both ends, and both friends have to be aware of what they say and do in order to salvage your friendship. One day they may or may not be in your shoes and it will make you closer. If they never are, that is okay too. My friend helped me see that when I do get a night out for a drink or a movie, I am constantly checking in on the baby. I am also constantly getting updates from my husband. This I have decided totally defeats the purpose of alone time. So now, I am limiting phone calls to emergency only and as I like to say "Screaming baby, and nothing is working" phone calls. She was absolutely right! and many of my mom friends probably would think it was normal and never put me in my place by bringing that to my attention.
So the purpose of this blog was to say it is important to keep the old friends, and it is important to reach out to new ones. If someone is truly a good friend and you both are aware of each other's feelings and respect each other's places in life, your friendship will last. It sometimes is a breath of fresh air to hang out with friend's who have no children, because then we only have to worry about one babysitter, lol!