I recently took on a pt job of taking care of my 90 year old grandmother with Alzheimer's disease. Yesterday was my first day of going to her apartment to spend the day with her and make sure she was safe and sound. She has lived in this apartment for thirty eight years, and most of my memories with grandmom are at this apartment. I remember her yelling at me to eat my crust on my grilled cheese, sleeping in bed with her at night, and going down to the little store down the street to get candy bars. Now, twenty years later, I am taking care of her similarly to the way I take care of my infant. Besides her disease, she is in pretty good standing health, despite arthritis in her hands and feet problems. Yesterday I had to convince her to allow me to help her undress and get her into the bathtub and help her wash herself. She covered her face as I undressed her and kept telling me how it wasn't right for me to see her this way. I was overcome with emotion which I immediately masked with assurance that it was better it was her granddaughter doing this instead of a stranger. I silently thought, the eventually it wouldn't be me doing this in the future because it would get so bad a stranger in a home would have to be doing this task.
The day felt similar to a day at home with my baby girl. I am constantly entertaining my daughter and watching her learn and discover new things with her toys and activities. When I am with my grandmother, I am constantly trying to distract her from her own mind. As my infant, she has a short attention span and I constantly have to be on my toes to keep them content. I think the comparison is very strange and unique. Since I entered into mommy hood, you could say my anxiety increased, because your always making sure your baby is healthy, safe and happy. On top of this amazing and life changing experience comes stress, and right now in my life I feel like I am juggling many emotions. I am watching my grandmother's mind drift away, I am trying to engage my daughter's mind, and I am also trying to comfort my mother as she experiences this tramatic experience with her mother, and be attentive to my marriage. When I got home last night, I looked into my baby girl's eyes and thought, will you be doing this for me one day? It was a very numbing thought, which I quickly fixed with a glass of wine and some play time with my little pumpkin.
We can all say that the entry in motherhood alone is so enjoyable and life changing in an indescribable way, but at the same time, life around you is still going on. We still have the same stresses with money, jobs, family and your own personal issues. I write constantly about the changes of life when you become a mother, and how you have to re adapt your life to revolve around your little one. What I am discovering is that our life around us doesn't pause while we figure out one life changing experience at a time. It continues, and life continues around you causing you to be pulled in fifty different directions. I have my family and the dramatic issues attached with all family. I have a marriage, which has taken a hit since our lives have changed, and my husband and I sometimes forget to recognize one another (besides, "did you make the bottle?", " Did you buy more diapers?", "Are you going to feed the baby?"). In addition my husband has a nine year old son, who is diagnosed with autism. He experiences his own developmental issues, which constantly need to be addressed. I can say without a doubt that every single day is different, and I will never be able to predict it. I personally have a hard time handling anxiety, but I have medication to help me along which is a huge help. I can say now, that I can handle it all. I can cope with everything because my life changing experiences have made me stronger, and being a mother has helped me build up armour.
Honestly sometimes late at night when my husband is working, and the baby is asleep, I take out my old pictures and think back to when I was a child. The simplicity of not worrying about anything besides school and having fun. It makes you realize how important a happy childhood is for every child. It is their time to live life without responsibilities, and it helps them learn who they are, which may well be their coping skills for the future. It also will help them see the beauty in life when life isn't as peachy.
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