The Mom in the Background

I am actually sitting here on my couch watching a movie (I am so good at multi-tasking that I can't stop sometimes), and I began to think about myself and then mothers in general. I feel sometimes as if I am the most amazing person on the earth to my daughter, which is the best feeling in the world. It gives my life purpose, hope and so much love. I also forget who I am some days because I am so busy being a mom. My adult life has been put on hold, especially since I was laid off work last Feb. I think it was a blessing from God to be able to be home with my daughter, despite the financial hardship. I personally struggle with the tug and pull of being an adult and having time to myself and being a mother. As much as I need time to do other things besides be at home day and out with my daughter, I don't want to leave her. At this point in her life, she wants only mommy. She knows her daddy, and my parents and everyone else is nice to look at and play with as long as mommy is around :) Tonight I tried to explain to my husband how it felt to never be alone or have any adult time. If your not the main caretaker, then it is hard to explain fully to another person. I do think it is important to still do things for yourself, and make sure you take care of yourself so you can be your best.

My mom always said to me that she was always the one to blame for everything but the last person to be thanked. I always thought that was wrong, but now I see it all around me. The amount of work moms put into life and their children is strongly overlooked. The care of an infant in itself is a full time job, and I am scared already about the toddler phase. I also fear the teenage stage because I myself was no saint. I feel a strong appreciation for mothers more so now that I a mother. I also understand how much work it is and how you can loose yourself easily.

I am in limbo at the moment, but I feel that I will conquer it soon. As for right now, this mommy is going to bed so I can have energy at 6:30am.