Mother or aka Wonder Woman

I was sitting here thinking about my life five years ago, and how much it has changed. I remember the days when Friday and Saturday nights involved dancing and having a few cocktails with friends. I would sleep in the next day, relax, read and do whatever I wanted. I wasn't in the best of places over a year ago, and God gave my my beautiful daughter, I truly believe she was my salvation. As I sit here now writing, I look around my house and it is packed full of baby stuff. The swing, the jumper, the bouncy seat, the high chair, and the drawers of bibs, burp clothes, and toys. I should add that all these items help reserve my sanity, so I will never mind them cluttering up my home. It is the weekend and I spend my Friday night relaxing on the couch watching an Indigo Girls concert on TV, followed by an early bedtime. My husband and I wanted to plan a date night, and I honestly get fearful about being away from my little one. I fear she will wake up and panic and all the other horrible "what ifs" go through my head. It almost isn't even worth the trouble to actually leave and go out. On the flip side, I am sick of my husband and I solely having alone time by watching movies and being confined to our house as always.

When I became a mother I swore I wouldn't let things like the house being messy bother me, but I never knew the house could so easily get destroyed in half a day. My daughter isn't even walking yet, so I can't imagine. I clean every day and do laundry almost every day. My errands flow around my baby's nap and feed schedule now, and I am happy to get 6 hours of sleep a night if possible. I adore nap times because I can read, blog or just get things done more easily. I look at my sister in law's life and think, wow she must read my blogs and laugh! She has four children and home schools all of them. I cannot imagine at this moment in time having four kids, and she makes it look so easy. I have so much more respect for her now then I ever did before as a mother.

Regardless of what anyone says, men don't have as much on their plate as the moms. I think it is because we run on emotion and schedule. If our child is sick, we are distraught, and if our child is having a good day, then we are happy. My husband and I had our share of marriage disputes due to our dramatic change of lifestyle, but we have been working through them thankfully. I honestly feel like I take on many roles at the moment; Wife, mother, daughter, granddaughter, housekeeper, cook, "the officially worrier of the family", scheduler, bill payer, job searcher, and friend....basically my own personal version of Wonder Molly. I cannot predict tomorrow or a week or month from now by any means, but I know it will shock and change me. My perspective on life has already changed dramatically. I cherish every moment with Irelyn, and I realize my husband and I both change throughout the years, and that life is precious. I feel like I would do anything for my family. I now understand the mother bear theory, and I feel I would rip someone to shreds before they touched my daughter. It is so beautiful how our lives change and evolve. We will always have heartache, stress and impossible moments we think we will never live through, but we do. We will always have down days and days where everything goes wrong. I never understood life and God as I feel I do now. My life experiences change who I am so often, it is truly amazing.